203 Days
So happy to have come through the other side of a major emotional event Sober. It was a little touch & go but I'm here!
My daughter graduated college last Saturday. I know, I know. That's a good thing, a really really god thing! But it felt like being knocked over by a wave at the beach. I mean you're at the beach which is great but getting knocked on your ass by a wave is momentarily pretty shitty. That's my metaphor for last Saturday. As we drove away after all the picture taking, lunch eating I felt...well that's it: I felt. I'm not used to all this feeling. Normally I would've started the day with celebratory Mimosas followed by celebratory wine at the lunch so my feelings would've been drowned. But since that's my old life and not my new life I was left to participate in the day fully sober and my lovely souvenir was my feelings. I cried on and off for about 12 hours afterwards.
We scheduled a family trip to take our daughter on after her graduation along with our younger daughter (16 yr old) middle daughter (21) had to rush back to gollege for her finals week. But there's the kicker: my newly graduated daughter backed out of the trip at the last minute. Uh oh...watch out! More feelings! I was devastated. Mad. Sad. Disappointed. A literal buffet o'feelings. I didn't want to drink over it necessarily but I did want the feelings to stop. I wanted to check out from the reality of it all. But I don't do that anymore.
I survived it though. I allowed myself to cry. I called my sponsor. Participated in an online AA meeting. Kept busy. Slept, ate, read. I did anything and everything except drink. Yeah I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm not walking into my AA meeting tonight having to pick up a white chip. That makes me happy...
Dreaming not drinking,
((Hugs))
My daughter graduated college last Saturday. I know, I know. That's a good thing, a really really god thing! But it felt like being knocked over by a wave at the beach. I mean you're at the beach which is great but getting knocked on your ass by a wave is momentarily pretty shitty. That's my metaphor for last Saturday. As we drove away after all the picture taking, lunch eating I felt...well that's it: I felt. I'm not used to all this feeling. Normally I would've started the day with celebratory Mimosas followed by celebratory wine at the lunch so my feelings would've been drowned. But since that's my old life and not my new life I was left to participate in the day fully sober and my lovely souvenir was my feelings. I cried on and off for about 12 hours afterwards.
We scheduled a family trip to take our daughter on after her graduation along with our younger daughter (16 yr old) middle daughter (21) had to rush back to gollege for her finals week. But there's the kicker: my newly graduated daughter backed out of the trip at the last minute. Uh oh...watch out! More feelings! I was devastated. Mad. Sad. Disappointed. A literal buffet o'feelings. I didn't want to drink over it necessarily but I did want the feelings to stop. I wanted to check out from the reality of it all. But I don't do that anymore.
I survived it though. I allowed myself to cry. I called my sponsor. Participated in an online AA meeting. Kept busy. Slept, ate, read. I did anything and everything except drink. Yeah I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm not walking into my AA meeting tonight having to pick up a white chip. That makes me happy...
Dreaming not drinking,
((Hugs))
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